Dear Mr Finance Minister
At home, whenever I try to share my precious views with you on the forthcoming budget, I am silenced by your steely glance. However, being a citizen of India, Right of Expression is my fundamental right. I choose to exercise this right in form of this open letter to you. I hope you will seriously consider my suggestions regarding certain tax incentives as well as levying new taxes. That would solve many problems and make many people happy.
1. No tax for performing artistes for the income from their performances. This would keep us more focused on our art and not waste time raking our (mostly) financially-challenged brains trying to understand various tax-saving schemes. Sir, you may exclude Bollywood stars from this. I’m sure that even a die-hard fan of Shah Rukh or Aishwarya will not find it unjust.
2. Tax benefit to individuals for adopting stray dogs. This would solve the problem of their loitering and littering all around. It would give them a home, and make both animal-lovers and animal-haters happy living in a mongrel-free society.
3. Special incentive for manufacturing designer armours, preferably in perfect fits and different colours, to be worn while driving and serving at the bar (especially if you are a woman) as a protection against both shooting and road rage.
4. A very special tax incentive for my friends who refuse to come for dinner when I cook. This measure may prompt better attendance and will certainly help them digest their food better.
As a responsible citizen, this is also my duty to suggest means to fill up Govt Exchequer. Sir, have you ever thought of using taxation as a means to prevent certain "unacceptable" behaviour patterns? Try out these measures and you will see that not only you raise enough money to cover any fiscal deficit, but also our country will be a far better place to live.
1. 90% to 95% income tax levied on a sub-species of homo-sapiens found on the roads of Delhi and NCR whose sole purpose in life is to push women-driven vehicles off the road. The same could be applied to all road-side Romeos and eve-teasers across the country.
2. A special Commonwealth tax (specially meant for Delhi-ites) levied on those found littering the streets, imitating dogs whenever they see a wall and jay walking. Sir, let me assure you, this will work far better than awareness campaigns that benefit none other than the agencies who create these.
3. Heavy taxation on me and my friend Namrata for every ounce of extra fat we have. Between both of us, the amount we eat is enough to topple the food economy of any country. Sir, this will bring down the food prices drastically while forcing us to go on our ever-postponed diet.
Sir, it is customary to present ones demands and requirements to the FM before the budget. So allow me to follow the tradition. It may be noted that you very conveniently shut your ears to any discussions on your domestic finance. Since you had been tight-fisted regarding my pocket money in my growing up years and stopped it completely in my grown-up years (unless occasionally I threatened a hunger strike), I would request you to kindly consider my case - that I may be given my accumulated dues for all these years, keeping the inflation in mind, with a cumulative interest of 25% per annum.
Waiting eagerly to hear an exciting budget speech.